4 Reasons Cheating Ruins So Many Marriages

T. Dub Jackson

Cheating ruins marriages. It's a fact. It doesn't ruin every marriage it touches but it is a common enough culprit in the end of marriages that it's worth keeping in mind if you ever think of doing it again.

There are some who would argue that we live in a world that is somewhat jaded to the idea of monogamy but that isn't really the case. There is still an expectation of fidelity in marriage that is bone deep for many mend and women entering into marriages today.

But, why is cheating so harmful to the modern marriage?

1) A Failure to Communicate. What we have here goes beyond a mere failure to communicate. It's often the lies that are told in an effort to continue or maintain the affair that cause the most problems in the marriage. The breakdown of trust is major for many men and women on the receiving end. Lies beget lies and pretty soon there only communication being had is one lie on top of another. By the time the truth does come out your spouse has no idea what to believe any more.

2) It Promotes Insecurity in Your Spouse. Cheating on your spouse makes your spouse feel like the proverbial red-headed step-child. It doesn't instill confidence in self or in your marriage. In fact, it tears those things down. It sends the message to your spouse that he or she isn't good enough somehow and that you found someone better on the side.

3) Damages the Finances. Cheating isn't cheap. Hiding a relationship with another person requires some investment on hotels, takeout, and countless other odds and ends expenses you would otherwise not have. In the current economy every single penny matters. Many people rob savings accounts and retirement funds in order to hide the costs involved in cheating. When the spouse finds out it is devastating financially as well as emotionally.

4) Cheating is Risky Business. It's sad to say that in this day and age that would even need to be mentioned. Of course, with nearly 60% of all people in a committed relationship admitting to having cheated, it must be said. Not only are you endangering your health but also the health of your spouse who is likely not to be protecting against STDs from you. You can't be too careful when it comes to safe sex and far too people in the throws of a torrid affair are careful enough.

Long Distance Relationships - 8 Tips For Making Yours Fun, Fulfilling and Successful!

By Yangki Christine Akiteng

"Everything would have been fine if we lived in the same town/state/country," is the common reason many men and women give for a long distance relationship not working out.

Admitted, distance can put an enormous strain on a relationship, but claiming that "distance" is the only reason a relationship didn't work out or can not work is putting your hands over your ears and shouting, "la-la-la-la-la-la- land" because the truth is too much to handle.

I've met many men and women who won't even try long distance relationships because according to them "Long distance relationships just don't work".

That simply isn't true! Long distance relationships CAN and DO work if the two individuals involved want it to. In my opinion, the question is not "Do long distance relationships work?" but rather "Do both of you want to make it work?" If you both want to make it work, distance is just another obstacle that two people who truly love each other can easily overcome -- if they really want to.

These simple to follow tips will help your long distance relationship not only survive distance, they'll also help you lay a strong foundation for a relationship that is fun, fulfilling and successful!

1. Talk at least once a week

Technology has made it easier than ever to keep in touch long distance. A few quick emails, text messages and phone calls at least once a day (or even once a week) create a sense of being fully engaged in each other's lives. Your relationship success depends on you being connected, so set aside uninterrupted talk-time to "catch up" on each other's lives.

If the other person can't make time for even a 10 minutes' conversation, but has time to go out with friends, go to a party, go the gym, cook or even sleep, get a clue, that person isn't into you as you want to think. If the other person is truly interested in you, he or she'll show all signs of not only wanting to continue the relationship but to move closer. And if s/he truly loves you that much, s/he'll not only create the time for you, s/he'll put talking to you top most priority on his/her list of things to do. You on the other hand have to be realistic and not try to suck up all his/her time because you're dripping with neediness.

2. Cultivate independent but inter-dependent lives

The time between calls and in-person reunions can be pure torture if you're spending all your time apart obsessing about the other person. You may find that you've put everything on hold to the point that no one else and nothing else is important or meaningful in life except being with him or her. You're consumed with constantly trying to test his or her love for you; doing things to try to make his or her need you, telling him or her about your "other admirers" etc. If s/he doesn't call or email you when you expect him/her to, you feel restlessness, rejected and unwanted. Some people become so needy that the other person just shuts down emotionally.

Instead of wasting so much time and emotions acting all clingy, needy and controlling, use the "distance" to develop and grow as an individual with your own independent life and who enjoys your own company. You'll feel more positively about "distance" when you feel positive about yourself, the other person, the relationship and life in general. A positive outlook is very important to the success of a LDR.

3. Let go of fear of abandonment/loss

Distance has a way of playing up anxiety and fear of the unknown. You miss him/her so much that you start imagining him/her cheating on you even when deep down you know that s/he is not the cheating type. Even when s/he has given you no reason to think that s/he might cheat, you tell yourself, "You just never know" or "Don't be a fool!"

If you are not fully prepared to trust your man or woman you have no business being in a long distance relationship because in LDRs, trust is everything. Without trust, there is little point in having the relationship. Without trust sustaining a long distance relationship is impossible.

Discuss your anxiety and fears with him or her and once you get the reassurance you need, LET IT GO. Truth is, if s/he wants to cheat, s/he will and there is nothing you can do about it. Give your mind some rest and concentrate on building a strong foundation for your relationship. It also helps for you to make extra efforts to be reliable, to do what you say you are going to do and to show that you're trustworthy. Trust cuts both ways!

4. Keep that sense of fun and romance alive

One of the most difficult things about long distance relationships is that you can't just turn to your man or woman and say "let's go for a walk in the park", or just drop in and ask him or her out for a drink. In the absence of these seemingly insignificant shared moments that most people in proximity relationships take for granted, it's easy for two people to become so stuck in the waiting, and the future, that they completely forget about now. The relationship slowly loses it's spark and eventually fades out.

To avoid this, try as much as possible to go out on "virtual dates". For example, decide to go watch the latest movie on the same day and then later call the other to share experiences, thoughts and opinions. Better yet, if time zones allow and if it's cost effective, rent a movie and watch it "together" with the other person on the phone. You can also play cards or games over the internet etc. And don't forget to flirt, seduce and tell him or her just how much s/he means to you and how much you love him or her. The important thing is to take the necessary steps to keep the sense of fun, shared interests, romance and passion alive.

5. Create a supportive environment

There'll be times when it seems like the other person is not bothered by distance, is happy that you're apart, or is having more fun. This makes you feel like you are the only one who "cares". So instead of trying to understand what's causing him or her to act that way, be supportive of whatever they're going through and encouraging of his or her efforts given what the two of you have to deal with, you start instructing, coaching, and scolding the other person for not "caring" about you or the relationship. Eventually all conversations become about how the relationship is neither right nor going anywhere. And true enough, you find yourselves living down to your own expectations.

It's had enough to have a long distance relationship without the constant nagging, instructing, coaching, and scolding of someone who consistently treats the relationship as a one person's property or business. Use that excess energy to create a supportive environment that fosters understanding, reassurance and cooperation. Sometimes all you need to do is listen. Don't judge and don't try to fix. Just listen. You can also bounce ideas off him or her, etc. Work as allies with the same goal.

6. Always have a plan for the next in-person reunion

Just knowing when you'll see each other again makes it easier to handle long distance relationships. Make the planning and preparing for the reunion a joint project. Share your thoughts and dreams of your re-union on a regular basis. This can make your coming together much more exciting, meaningful and special.

Be careful, though. Don't let expectations of how fantastic your reunion is going to be build too high as the reality often doesn't match up to the fantasy. Expect there to be awkward silences, many down times and even arguments. It's a relationship not a fantasy!

7. Make plans for one of you to move

Someone must move at some point in order to keep the relationship together. If you're both eager to stay together, then set a date for getting together - either moving in or, at least, living in the same town and "dating". However, if it's a new relationship or a relationship on shaky grounds hold off the "future together" talk until you both feel that the relationship has matured, is more stable or until the other person is ready. If the other person is not ready, it doesn't matter how much you want it, it's never going to happen. The "I am not going to wait forever" may just become "It's over"

8. Ignore people who say long distance relationships don't work

It's not easy and there are no guarantees -- same as in all relationships. But don't run away from your long-distance relationship because everyone says "Long distance relationships don't and won't work". Long distance relationships have worked and can work for you if you are willing to do the hard work. If you're both emotionally mature enough, and are devoted enough, distance can teach both of you to exercise deeper connections, and provide for objective and honest assessment of your feelings for the each other. Distance can also encourage a stronger foundation for the development of your relationship.

At a time when careers increasingly demand greater mobility, long distance relationships are not only a very attractive option, they may very well be the future.

Not even distance can stop true love!

How to Tell If He's Seriously Interested in Me? Discover How Serious He Really is Towards You

Krista Hiles

A woman wants to know the depths of a man's feelings towards her before succumbing to his charms. She does not want to find herself left high and dry after a while. If you too are wondering how in the world can you find out if he is serious about you, then these tips will come to your aid.

He will treat you like Dresden china 
How does he treat you? Is he constantly concerned about your well being? Does he go out of his way to make sure that you are happy and satisfied in his company? A man who seriously interested in you will not stop caring the moment you are out of his sight. He will do other things like call you and be in constant touch with you to see if you are all right.

He will want to show you off to his folk 
One of the most obvious signs that he is getting serious about you is when he does not hesitate but in fact insists on you meeting his folk. This shows that he is unashamed of his love for you. He wants his family to meet the girl who has captured his heart!

He will want the relationship to get stronger 
He will never be satisfied with just a dating relationship. If he is serious about you he will try to take the relationship to a deeper and higher level. He will push you into accepting him as a lover or partner. He will begin to treat you as "his property" and will get possessive about you.

He will always put you first in his life 
No man who cares about his woman will ignore her or give her least importance. If you find that he is ready to even put you before his best friends, then he is trying to tell you that you are first in his life. He will want to spend more time with you and will be in touch with you daily. What you want will become important to him.

He will propose 
Nobody can deny that when a man proposes to a woman, he is very serious about her! The fact that he is trying to get you to wear his ring tells you that he is ready to make a commitment to you. This is the extreme step a man will take when he seriously loves a woman.

He will show that he is not averse to making a commitment 
Where usually the very mention of the word "commitment" and "marriage" may make a man run for his life, this will be a welcome topic for a man who is seriously interested in you. In fact he may be the first one to initiate the topic of marriage and the future with the woman he loves.

He will be faithful to you in everything 
It is easy to see if a man is going to be committed to you by his character and behavior. If you have found your man to be faithful in everything then you have hope. He will be a man of integrity, loyalty and steadfastness. He will have no problem keeping his word.

How to Keep Your Long Term Relationship Alive

By Alex Ryan

Couples who have been together a long time have a tendency to take their relationship for granted. Taking a relationship for granted may have a detrimental impact.

If you want your relationship to last, do not forget to keep dating your partner. This is often scoffed at and deemed unnecessary. Dates are simple and effective. They should not be overlooked. Romance is needed to keep a relationship solid. A date is a way to help this.

Sparks still need to fly in a marriage. Dating can make this happen. They do not have to be fancy dates with tons of money spent. Simple and thoughtful is better.

Alone time is essential. Couples need to be separated for everyone else for a time on a regular basis. Love and romance can be kept alive just with the simple act of dating.

Dating is imperative so your spouse does not assume that you do not want to spend time with them. Women often assume that their spouse is embarrassed to be seen with them. Lack of dating can also induce boredom and conclusions that a spouse does not care for the other anymore.

Decide you are committing to regular dating with your partner. It is acceptable to go on the same kind of date every time but try to mix it up.

Expand your horizons. Do something that you have never done with your spouse before. This can create romance and bring a spark back to a relationship.

Married couples with kids have the added challenge of needing someone to watch the kids. Be willing to hire a babysitter or have a friend or family member take care of the kids. The kids will be better off with your relationship being stronger. Dating can help your sexual relationship as well, particularly if you are able to get some secluded time for this.

tips for relationship success

What's the key to successful relationships? Here, the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work



1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.



2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.



3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.



4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.



5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.



6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.



7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.



8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.



9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

BY Susan Quilliam

Maintaining a Lovely Partnership

Some couples look very happy while some look unhappy all the times. There are some guidelines that can compose your partnership more comfortable and lovely.




Dialogue is the best option to start with. Avoid whining about your issues and try to resolve the rift. Be cordial with your partner, even if you wholeheartedly disagree with everything they're saying. A confrontational demeanor will truly get you nowhere if you take this approach, so it's important to be gentle.



You should talk about the things that are significant in your partner's life. Your interest in his or her life will certainly help to bridge the gap between you people.



Enjoy every moment life grants you. Organize picnics, enjoy barbeques, and go in parks together. Give each other some space. Present flowers to her, let him read the news paper, all these kinds of acts will bring live and harmony in the relationship.



Always appreciate good thinks that your partner has done to you. Your love should be able to overcome any weakness in the relationship. Make love a solid reason to strong your bond.



It's a great thing to be with your partner. Tolerate little mistakes and ignore big ones. Just value each other's presence be thankful all the love she gives you.



Never disappoint on things you don't have but feel proud for what you have got. Look around you and take a look on the blessings you are blessed with. We have home, good food, electricity, where as many people don't have them. Share your dreams with your love one and talk about achieving them.



Live your life with zeal and fervor. This is essential to have a happy couple. Partners who live happily can have every good thing on their side and make most of the moments they get. If you stand together then you will overcome every difficulty that may come in your way.
Alex Ryan

How to Be Romantic

There's something about a man in uniform that get's a woman's attention. I first noticed it when I came home on leave for the first time and attended a community dance. Suddenly I had the eyes of so many beautiful women on me. It kind of scared me at first, because they had barely noticed me before. But I did manage to enjoy the attention, for sure.
Romance Found
That's when I first saw my wife, Gertie, the most beautiful woman in the dance hall. Well, wouldn't you know it, she practically ignored me. I was the one who had to win her heart. (I later found out that she did notice, but was determined not to inflate my ego any further.)
Herein began my lifelong learning on how to be romantic. You see, there's a whole lot more to romance than wearing a cool uniform or paying special attention at Valentines, birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. In fact I find these events quite bothersome because they often lower the dance of romance to a guilt-ridden, money sucking kind of phoniness. Now, I don't mean you should not spend money on your sweetheart, but it should never be a substitute for the real thing.
The whole idea of romance is to show your desire and appreciation for your loved ones in thought, word and deed. And to do that you have to awaken your inner romantic.
When you fall in love, you are always thinking of your sweetheart as you go about your day. You find ways to please them and show your passion for them. So if you want a lifetime of love, always be in this state of romance. Don't fall into the monotonous trap of rigid routines.
Too many relationships these days are broken, inevitably the result of poor mentoring, inconsistent attention and selfish expectations. Well now, you don't have to end up lonely or forever seeking another one to fill your empty heart anymore.
Here are some never-fail tips to get you into the heart of romance. By the way, these will appeal to any kind of romance. It is not restricted to intimate couples only.
1. Get Into The Feeling of Romance:
Slow down enough to appreciate the beauty of a sunset, the blossom of a flower, the unconfined wonder of a small child, and so on. For you men out there, this is not mushy stuff, this is just how natural living really feels like. How can you create that feeling of romance with a woman, if you don't try it on for yourself? As they say, "Try it, you'll like it!" It's about getting into the mood for romance in a very effective way.
2. Be Creatively Thoughtful:
Tune into your loved one. Breathe into what you really love about her. Think of a small, special gesture you can do that is outside your agreed upon regular routines and duties.Get creative here: a single favorite flower, a short poem, a special errand, an unexpected gesture, and so on. As you practice, these simple ideas will keep multiplying and you'll never be at a loss.
3. Show Your Affection:
Get to know what your beloved likes. Don't reserve your affection only for your private intimate times. Make her feel special in public too: hold her hand, flirt a little, give her a sweet embrace, toast her at dinner, or cook her a special meal. You'll get to know what pleases her. For instance, I quickly learned that Gertie hates being whistled at in public, it embarrasses her and makes her feel cheap.
These three romantic tips will make you a very rich man in many ways. I can certainly attest to it. And you don't have to be slick or perfect at this. Your beloved will feel your genuine effort and return your affection thousandfold. So go for it. You have nothing to lose!
By Gordie G