The one person you found you could trust has just betrayed you. How selfish can someone be? How ungrateful and inconsiderate? These may be some of the reoccurring thoughts that run through your mind when your significant other admits or is caught doing the unthinkable. However, there are a few things that you should consider before pointing fingers. There is one side of the story, then there is the other, then there is the ugly truth.
"About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage." states therapist, Peggy Vaugn, author of "Monogamy Myth." It is not uncommon for infidelity to happen in today's society. With easily accessed internet dating sites it is actually more common to be unfaithful or to find a partner that is.
However, through research and personal experience, I have found that with real love, real commitment and honesty, a relationship can be saved from the rearing head of adultery. To begin, you have to ask yourself a few key questions and make a few difficult decisions.
First the Questions: The questions will be the same regardless if you are the cheater or the cheat-ee.
Question 1:
Are you really still in LOVE with this person?
LOVE, NOT lust, infatuation, comfortability, financially dependence, routine-dependence.... LOVE. Just because they have been in your life 2 years or 60 years does not mean you are in love with them. No matter what the age, if you are unhappy, you can find someone else. However, if you are absolutely, positively, unquestionably in LOVE with your man or woman, please see question 2.
Are you really still in LOVE with this person?
LOVE, NOT lust, infatuation, comfortability, financially dependence, routine-dependence.... LOVE. Just because they have been in your life 2 years or 60 years does not mean you are in love with them. No matter what the age, if you are unhappy, you can find someone else. However, if you are absolutely, positively, unquestionably in LOVE with your man or woman, please see question 2.
Question 2:
Why did your significant other cheat?
You have to REALLY consider the reality of this question. For example, yes that two-timing, scumbag husband cheated on his wife... But what if the husband told you his wife stopped looking at him, she commented on his weight, lack of success, and completely stopped having sex with him? Flipside: Yes, that dirty sloot slept around on her poor working husband... but what if she told you the last time she had romance was 4 years ago and the last time she saw him for more than 30 minutes was the for the meal she made him eat, then he took 6 business calls before he went to bed with an Ipad in his lap followed by his morning flight to Chicago.
Why did your significant other cheat?
You have to REALLY consider the reality of this question. For example, yes that two-timing, scumbag husband cheated on his wife... But what if the husband told you his wife stopped looking at him, she commented on his weight, lack of success, and completely stopped having sex with him? Flipside: Yes, that dirty sloot slept around on her poor working husband... but what if she told you the last time she had romance was 4 years ago and the last time she saw him for more than 30 minutes was the for the meal she made him eat, then he took 6 business calls before he went to bed with an Ipad in his lap followed by his morning flight to Chicago.
Everyone knows there is a way to avoid cheating.. file for divorce, separate... but sometimes infidelity is a WAKE UP CALL.
Decisions:
Decision 1:
If you are not in LOVE with this person as we discussed earlier... Break up. File for Divorce. Move ON!! If you are clearly miserable with this person that you are NOT in love with... WHY ARE YOU WITH THEM? Be selfish, as they were and make yourself HAPPY. You only have one life and why use it trying to MAKE a relationship work when there are MILLIONS of options that are just WAITING to take care of you! No excuses.. "we have kids, we have a house, we have a dog, we have a car, we have a joint cell phone plan, we have a gym membership, he/ she has my cds.." the list is of excuses are just excuses.. the only excuse that allows you to repair your relationship is love. If you are STILL in love.. See Decision 2.
If you are not in LOVE with this person as we discussed earlier... Break up. File for Divorce. Move ON!! If you are clearly miserable with this person that you are NOT in love with... WHY ARE YOU WITH THEM? Be selfish, as they were and make yourself HAPPY. You only have one life and why use it trying to MAKE a relationship work when there are MILLIONS of options that are just WAITING to take care of you! No excuses.. "we have kids, we have a house, we have a dog, we have a car, we have a joint cell phone plan, we have a gym membership, he/ she has my cds.." the list is of excuses are just excuses.. the only excuse that allows you to repair your relationship is love. If you are STILL in love.. See Decision 2.
Decision 2:
Okay, so once you have been cheated on (have cheated), you know you love the person that cheated (or that you cheated on), and you want to patch the relationship... You have to do 2 things:
Okay, so once you have been cheated on (have cheated), you know you love the person that cheated (or that you cheated on), and you want to patch the relationship... You have to do 2 things:
1. You have to be completely honest about how you feel, what happened and with whom. On the account that it was not your significant other's family member you can go on to 2.
2. This dilemma in your life that has devastated you both must be buried. If you want the relationship to move forward you must absolutely, under NO circumstance, EVER bring it up again.
Understand that everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has impulses and urges that need to be fed. Often after someone has cheated, they feel remorseful and realize that hey have committed the ultimate crime in monogamy. With this intense guilt comes understanding. There is sometimes am epiphany that goes a little like this, "I will never ever do that again, it was not worth it, and I will forever try to be everything my spouse wants, to keep them." They learn one of two things, they do not deserve you or they need to step up to give you what you deserve.
