4 Reasons Cheating Ruins So Many Marriages

T. Dub Jackson

Cheating ruins marriages. It's a fact. It doesn't ruin every marriage it touches but it is a common enough culprit in the end of marriages that it's worth keeping in mind if you ever think of doing it again.

There are some who would argue that we live in a world that is somewhat jaded to the idea of monogamy but that isn't really the case. There is still an expectation of fidelity in marriage that is bone deep for many mend and women entering into marriages today.

But, why is cheating so harmful to the modern marriage?

1) A Failure to Communicate. What we have here goes beyond a mere failure to communicate. It's often the lies that are told in an effort to continue or maintain the affair that cause the most problems in the marriage. The breakdown of trust is major for many men and women on the receiving end. Lies beget lies and pretty soon there only communication being had is one lie on top of another. By the time the truth does come out your spouse has no idea what to believe any more.

2) It Promotes Insecurity in Your Spouse. Cheating on your spouse makes your spouse feel like the proverbial red-headed step-child. It doesn't instill confidence in self or in your marriage. In fact, it tears those things down. It sends the message to your spouse that he or she isn't good enough somehow and that you found someone better on the side.

3) Damages the Finances. Cheating isn't cheap. Hiding a relationship with another person requires some investment on hotels, takeout, and countless other odds and ends expenses you would otherwise not have. In the current economy every single penny matters. Many people rob savings accounts and retirement funds in order to hide the costs involved in cheating. When the spouse finds out it is devastating financially as well as emotionally.

4) Cheating is Risky Business. It's sad to say that in this day and age that would even need to be mentioned. Of course, with nearly 60% of all people in a committed relationship admitting to having cheated, it must be said. Not only are you endangering your health but also the health of your spouse who is likely not to be protecting against STDs from you. You can't be too careful when it comes to safe sex and far too people in the throws of a torrid affair are careful enough.

Long Distance Relationships - 8 Tips For Making Yours Fun, Fulfilling and Successful!

By Yangki Christine Akiteng

"Everything would have been fine if we lived in the same town/state/country," is the common reason many men and women give for a long distance relationship not working out.

Admitted, distance can put an enormous strain on a relationship, but claiming that "distance" is the only reason a relationship didn't work out or can not work is putting your hands over your ears and shouting, "la-la-la-la-la-la- land" because the truth is too much to handle.

I've met many men and women who won't even try long distance relationships because according to them "Long distance relationships just don't work".

That simply isn't true! Long distance relationships CAN and DO work if the two individuals involved want it to. In my opinion, the question is not "Do long distance relationships work?" but rather "Do both of you want to make it work?" If you both want to make it work, distance is just another obstacle that two people who truly love each other can easily overcome -- if they really want to.

These simple to follow tips will help your long distance relationship not only survive distance, they'll also help you lay a strong foundation for a relationship that is fun, fulfilling and successful!

1. Talk at least once a week

Technology has made it easier than ever to keep in touch long distance. A few quick emails, text messages and phone calls at least once a day (or even once a week) create a sense of being fully engaged in each other's lives. Your relationship success depends on you being connected, so set aside uninterrupted talk-time to "catch up" on each other's lives.

If the other person can't make time for even a 10 minutes' conversation, but has time to go out with friends, go to a party, go the gym, cook or even sleep, get a clue, that person isn't into you as you want to think. If the other person is truly interested in you, he or she'll show all signs of not only wanting to continue the relationship but to move closer. And if s/he truly loves you that much, s/he'll not only create the time for you, s/he'll put talking to you top most priority on his/her list of things to do. You on the other hand have to be realistic and not try to suck up all his/her time because you're dripping with neediness.

2. Cultivate independent but inter-dependent lives

The time between calls and in-person reunions can be pure torture if you're spending all your time apart obsessing about the other person. You may find that you've put everything on hold to the point that no one else and nothing else is important or meaningful in life except being with him or her. You're consumed with constantly trying to test his or her love for you; doing things to try to make his or her need you, telling him or her about your "other admirers" etc. If s/he doesn't call or email you when you expect him/her to, you feel restlessness, rejected and unwanted. Some people become so needy that the other person just shuts down emotionally.

Instead of wasting so much time and emotions acting all clingy, needy and controlling, use the "distance" to develop and grow as an individual with your own independent life and who enjoys your own company. You'll feel more positively about "distance" when you feel positive about yourself, the other person, the relationship and life in general. A positive outlook is very important to the success of a LDR.

3. Let go of fear of abandonment/loss

Distance has a way of playing up anxiety and fear of the unknown. You miss him/her so much that you start imagining him/her cheating on you even when deep down you know that s/he is not the cheating type. Even when s/he has given you no reason to think that s/he might cheat, you tell yourself, "You just never know" or "Don't be a fool!"

If you are not fully prepared to trust your man or woman you have no business being in a long distance relationship because in LDRs, trust is everything. Without trust, there is little point in having the relationship. Without trust sustaining a long distance relationship is impossible.

Discuss your anxiety and fears with him or her and once you get the reassurance you need, LET IT GO. Truth is, if s/he wants to cheat, s/he will and there is nothing you can do about it. Give your mind some rest and concentrate on building a strong foundation for your relationship. It also helps for you to make extra efforts to be reliable, to do what you say you are going to do and to show that you're trustworthy. Trust cuts both ways!

4. Keep that sense of fun and romance alive

One of the most difficult things about long distance relationships is that you can't just turn to your man or woman and say "let's go for a walk in the park", or just drop in and ask him or her out for a drink. In the absence of these seemingly insignificant shared moments that most people in proximity relationships take for granted, it's easy for two people to become so stuck in the waiting, and the future, that they completely forget about now. The relationship slowly loses it's spark and eventually fades out.

To avoid this, try as much as possible to go out on "virtual dates". For example, decide to go watch the latest movie on the same day and then later call the other to share experiences, thoughts and opinions. Better yet, if time zones allow and if it's cost effective, rent a movie and watch it "together" with the other person on the phone. You can also play cards or games over the internet etc. And don't forget to flirt, seduce and tell him or her just how much s/he means to you and how much you love him or her. The important thing is to take the necessary steps to keep the sense of fun, shared interests, romance and passion alive.

5. Create a supportive environment

There'll be times when it seems like the other person is not bothered by distance, is happy that you're apart, or is having more fun. This makes you feel like you are the only one who "cares". So instead of trying to understand what's causing him or her to act that way, be supportive of whatever they're going through and encouraging of his or her efforts given what the two of you have to deal with, you start instructing, coaching, and scolding the other person for not "caring" about you or the relationship. Eventually all conversations become about how the relationship is neither right nor going anywhere. And true enough, you find yourselves living down to your own expectations.

It's had enough to have a long distance relationship without the constant nagging, instructing, coaching, and scolding of someone who consistently treats the relationship as a one person's property or business. Use that excess energy to create a supportive environment that fosters understanding, reassurance and cooperation. Sometimes all you need to do is listen. Don't judge and don't try to fix. Just listen. You can also bounce ideas off him or her, etc. Work as allies with the same goal.

6. Always have a plan for the next in-person reunion

Just knowing when you'll see each other again makes it easier to handle long distance relationships. Make the planning and preparing for the reunion a joint project. Share your thoughts and dreams of your re-union on a regular basis. This can make your coming together much more exciting, meaningful and special.

Be careful, though. Don't let expectations of how fantastic your reunion is going to be build too high as the reality often doesn't match up to the fantasy. Expect there to be awkward silences, many down times and even arguments. It's a relationship not a fantasy!

7. Make plans for one of you to move

Someone must move at some point in order to keep the relationship together. If you're both eager to stay together, then set a date for getting together - either moving in or, at least, living in the same town and "dating". However, if it's a new relationship or a relationship on shaky grounds hold off the "future together" talk until you both feel that the relationship has matured, is more stable or until the other person is ready. If the other person is not ready, it doesn't matter how much you want it, it's never going to happen. The "I am not going to wait forever" may just become "It's over"

8. Ignore people who say long distance relationships don't work

It's not easy and there are no guarantees -- same as in all relationships. But don't run away from your long-distance relationship because everyone says "Long distance relationships don't and won't work". Long distance relationships have worked and can work for you if you are willing to do the hard work. If you're both emotionally mature enough, and are devoted enough, distance can teach both of you to exercise deeper connections, and provide for objective and honest assessment of your feelings for the each other. Distance can also encourage a stronger foundation for the development of your relationship.

At a time when careers increasingly demand greater mobility, long distance relationships are not only a very attractive option, they may very well be the future.

Not even distance can stop true love!

How to Tell If He's Seriously Interested in Me? Discover How Serious He Really is Towards You

Krista Hiles

A woman wants to know the depths of a man's feelings towards her before succumbing to his charms. She does not want to find herself left high and dry after a while. If you too are wondering how in the world can you find out if he is serious about you, then these tips will come to your aid.

He will treat you like Dresden china 
How does he treat you? Is he constantly concerned about your well being? Does he go out of his way to make sure that you are happy and satisfied in his company? A man who seriously interested in you will not stop caring the moment you are out of his sight. He will do other things like call you and be in constant touch with you to see if you are all right.

He will want to show you off to his folk 
One of the most obvious signs that he is getting serious about you is when he does not hesitate but in fact insists on you meeting his folk. This shows that he is unashamed of his love for you. He wants his family to meet the girl who has captured his heart!

He will want the relationship to get stronger 
He will never be satisfied with just a dating relationship. If he is serious about you he will try to take the relationship to a deeper and higher level. He will push you into accepting him as a lover or partner. He will begin to treat you as "his property" and will get possessive about you.

He will always put you first in his life 
No man who cares about his woman will ignore her or give her least importance. If you find that he is ready to even put you before his best friends, then he is trying to tell you that you are first in his life. He will want to spend more time with you and will be in touch with you daily. What you want will become important to him.

He will propose 
Nobody can deny that when a man proposes to a woman, he is very serious about her! The fact that he is trying to get you to wear his ring tells you that he is ready to make a commitment to you. This is the extreme step a man will take when he seriously loves a woman.

He will show that he is not averse to making a commitment 
Where usually the very mention of the word "commitment" and "marriage" may make a man run for his life, this will be a welcome topic for a man who is seriously interested in you. In fact he may be the first one to initiate the topic of marriage and the future with the woman he loves.

He will be faithful to you in everything 
It is easy to see if a man is going to be committed to you by his character and behavior. If you have found your man to be faithful in everything then you have hope. He will be a man of integrity, loyalty and steadfastness. He will have no problem keeping his word.

How to Keep Your Long Term Relationship Alive

By Alex Ryan

Couples who have been together a long time have a tendency to take their relationship for granted. Taking a relationship for granted may have a detrimental impact.

If you want your relationship to last, do not forget to keep dating your partner. This is often scoffed at and deemed unnecessary. Dates are simple and effective. They should not be overlooked. Romance is needed to keep a relationship solid. A date is a way to help this.

Sparks still need to fly in a marriage. Dating can make this happen. They do not have to be fancy dates with tons of money spent. Simple and thoughtful is better.

Alone time is essential. Couples need to be separated for everyone else for a time on a regular basis. Love and romance can be kept alive just with the simple act of dating.

Dating is imperative so your spouse does not assume that you do not want to spend time with them. Women often assume that their spouse is embarrassed to be seen with them. Lack of dating can also induce boredom and conclusions that a spouse does not care for the other anymore.

Decide you are committing to regular dating with your partner. It is acceptable to go on the same kind of date every time but try to mix it up.

Expand your horizons. Do something that you have never done with your spouse before. This can create romance and bring a spark back to a relationship.

Married couples with kids have the added challenge of needing someone to watch the kids. Be willing to hire a babysitter or have a friend or family member take care of the kids. The kids will be better off with your relationship being stronger. Dating can help your sexual relationship as well, particularly if you are able to get some secluded time for this.

tips for relationship success

What's the key to successful relationships? Here, the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work



1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.



2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.



3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.



4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.



5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.



6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.



7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.



8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.



9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

BY Susan Quilliam

Maintaining a Lovely Partnership

Some couples look very happy while some look unhappy all the times. There are some guidelines that can compose your partnership more comfortable and lovely.




Dialogue is the best option to start with. Avoid whining about your issues and try to resolve the rift. Be cordial with your partner, even if you wholeheartedly disagree with everything they're saying. A confrontational demeanor will truly get you nowhere if you take this approach, so it's important to be gentle.



You should talk about the things that are significant in your partner's life. Your interest in his or her life will certainly help to bridge the gap between you people.



Enjoy every moment life grants you. Organize picnics, enjoy barbeques, and go in parks together. Give each other some space. Present flowers to her, let him read the news paper, all these kinds of acts will bring live and harmony in the relationship.



Always appreciate good thinks that your partner has done to you. Your love should be able to overcome any weakness in the relationship. Make love a solid reason to strong your bond.



It's a great thing to be with your partner. Tolerate little mistakes and ignore big ones. Just value each other's presence be thankful all the love she gives you.



Never disappoint on things you don't have but feel proud for what you have got. Look around you and take a look on the blessings you are blessed with. We have home, good food, electricity, where as many people don't have them. Share your dreams with your love one and talk about achieving them.



Live your life with zeal and fervor. This is essential to have a happy couple. Partners who live happily can have every good thing on their side and make most of the moments they get. If you stand together then you will overcome every difficulty that may come in your way.
Alex Ryan

How to Be Romantic

There's something about a man in uniform that get's a woman's attention. I first noticed it when I came home on leave for the first time and attended a community dance. Suddenly I had the eyes of so many beautiful women on me. It kind of scared me at first, because they had barely noticed me before. But I did manage to enjoy the attention, for sure.
Romance Found
That's when I first saw my wife, Gertie, the most beautiful woman in the dance hall. Well, wouldn't you know it, she practically ignored me. I was the one who had to win her heart. (I later found out that she did notice, but was determined not to inflate my ego any further.)
Herein began my lifelong learning on how to be romantic. You see, there's a whole lot more to romance than wearing a cool uniform or paying special attention at Valentines, birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. In fact I find these events quite bothersome because they often lower the dance of romance to a guilt-ridden, money sucking kind of phoniness. Now, I don't mean you should not spend money on your sweetheart, but it should never be a substitute for the real thing.
The whole idea of romance is to show your desire and appreciation for your loved ones in thought, word and deed. And to do that you have to awaken your inner romantic.
When you fall in love, you are always thinking of your sweetheart as you go about your day. You find ways to please them and show your passion for them. So if you want a lifetime of love, always be in this state of romance. Don't fall into the monotonous trap of rigid routines.
Too many relationships these days are broken, inevitably the result of poor mentoring, inconsistent attention and selfish expectations. Well now, you don't have to end up lonely or forever seeking another one to fill your empty heart anymore.
Here are some never-fail tips to get you into the heart of romance. By the way, these will appeal to any kind of romance. It is not restricted to intimate couples only.
1. Get Into The Feeling of Romance:
Slow down enough to appreciate the beauty of a sunset, the blossom of a flower, the unconfined wonder of a small child, and so on. For you men out there, this is not mushy stuff, this is just how natural living really feels like. How can you create that feeling of romance with a woman, if you don't try it on for yourself? As they say, "Try it, you'll like it!" It's about getting into the mood for romance in a very effective way.
2. Be Creatively Thoughtful:
Tune into your loved one. Breathe into what you really love about her. Think of a small, special gesture you can do that is outside your agreed upon regular routines and duties.Get creative here: a single favorite flower, a short poem, a special errand, an unexpected gesture, and so on. As you practice, these simple ideas will keep multiplying and you'll never be at a loss.
3. Show Your Affection:
Get to know what your beloved likes. Don't reserve your affection only for your private intimate times. Make her feel special in public too: hold her hand, flirt a little, give her a sweet embrace, toast her at dinner, or cook her a special meal. You'll get to know what pleases her. For instance, I quickly learned that Gertie hates being whistled at in public, it embarrasses her and makes her feel cheap.
These three romantic tips will make you a very rich man in many ways. I can certainly attest to it. And you don't have to be slick or perfect at this. Your beloved will feel your genuine effort and return your affection thousandfold. So go for it. You have nothing to lose!
By Gordie G

How to Spice Up Your Love Life

It is quite common to find the flame of passion flickering after years of togetherness. This is an inevitable element of most long-term relationships. So, in case you are experiencing a dip in your love life; you should realize that you're not the only one in this dilemma. And, while you could choose to live in a marriage that has lost its spark; you can also conclude to do something about it by adding some spice to your love life. Here are a few uncomplicated and absolutely doable suggestions to help you with the same.
Sometimes, the only thing required to refresh your love life is a spontaneous break from reality. Go away with your partner on a romantic getaway. You don't need to book yourself on an expensive cruise to feel the love. Heading over to a close by town instead, might prove to be just as relaxing and rejuvenating for your love life. After all, the essential purpose of the trip is to merely get away from your dull and boring routines.
Finding yourself in a new place with your other half itself will pull the two of you closer to one another. While you pack for your romantic getaway, make sure that you pack well. You can carry along some romantic candles, your best dresses and not to forget your favourite anti acne product i.e. the Clearpores Skin Cleansing System.
Look great. This is one of the most important things which you have to do if you want the romance to remain alive in your relationship. You can not expect your partner to be hooked to you if you are not physically attractive. If you are overweight, then drop those extra pounds. You can seek help of weight loss supplements like Caralluma Burn Appetite Suppressant for the same. Spruce up your dressing style and revamp the way you look.
Go back to your pre-marriage dating schedule. This is one of the finest techniques to recover passion in long term relationships. Just because you are staying together now, doesn't mean that you can't indulge in the things you did in your courtship period. So, go out for a film or a nice romantic dinner with your other half as you used to before. And, while this may mean increasing your credit card bill; it would be well worth the bucks invested.
Accessories don't merely spruce up your look, but also your love life. At times, an extra touch is all you need to spice up your relationship. Try lighting up some aromatic candles at the dinner table. Otherwise, you could give your spouse a nice massage or beautify the room with blooms. These small gestures may go at length in kindling the heat in you two.
Do not be disheartened about the love lost in your romantic bond. Just work out on the tricks suggested to get back the zing in your love life.
By Mabel Ivory

Confronting Matters Concerning Relationships

Very often we find unable to take a stand on matters concerning our relationships. Especially when it concerns our relationship with our girlfriend, then it calls for a serious introspection.
You should stay put in the relationship only if you are happy at heart and this should be the only consideration to keep it going.
If things are not ok between the two of you, you both should decide to give it a try and see or decide to breakup and part and get on with your lives.
Of course, you do not expect to be happy the minute you leave your girlfriend. It does hurt. But over a period of time you will get over it and make room for a new relationship.
Sometimes it does happen that no matter what you do, you feel moody and bad. It could just be one of those days. Don't let that wear you down.
You will know when your connection with your girlfriend has broken and it is over. No matter even if you both live together, when it is over you know it for yourself. It is better to let go and open new chapter in your life than to expect things to happen with your girlfriend and magic to come back into your relationship.
Have you tried talking this out with each other? For all you know your girlfriend may be clue less about your feelings and not aware of how you feel about the whole thing. Don't you think you should sit down and have a frank talk with her and see if she is able to make some changes that can help both of you improve your relationship?
You do need to give ample opportunities until you are convinced that things are not working out and that it is back to where it started. Then of course there is no point in suffering further and let go.
 By Val McQueen

How to Make Up After a Big Fight

Misunderstandings are inevitable in any kind of relationship - even with romantic couples. And fights will always come along. When disagreements come on a very tiring day or at a very frustrating moment, you'll most likely end up shouting at each other and having a deafening silence after. Whatever the reasons of your fights are, whoever is the culprit or whoever is the most at fault, the most important thing is how to patch up things back. You can get tired of the fights and the way she shouts at you. You may say you want no more of it but the most important thing really is how to make up after a big fight.
Let me walk you through it.
Take some quiet time.
The silence may be deafening but this moment actually helps. It makes you think. It allows you to replay the event in your mind and have an evaluation. Eventually the two of you will see each other's points and will be able to weigh how things should be really done. Cooling down is important in order for the two of you to be able to think properly and wisely. Deciding on the disagreement while angry won't do the two of you any good.
Apologize with sincerity.
Do not force yourself to say sorry just to end the argument. Apologize, only when you really mean it. There will be times that it will take a long time before your pride will let you say that four-letter-word, but it's better to not say it than let it spill without meaning it at all. If you will think about it, whether you started the fight or not, you will surely have something to apologize about. So think things thoroughly and make sure that in your heart of hearts, your apology is meant with sincerity. She will be able to feel it. That's for sure.
When you're sorry, mean it.
Saying sorry is one thing. But showing that you really are, is another. That is how the game of life goes, whenever you are at fault and after you have admitted your deficiencies and shortcomings, it's time for you to show her how much sorry you were. You can cook for her in the morning or invite her to dinner the following night. It is important that you let her know that despite your differences, you still love and value her. And when she says sorry back, accept it with all your heart.
Talk things through once more with calmness.
Now that the two of you have admitted each other's mistakes and now that the two of you have shown how sorry you were, it's time to talk things through again. Explain your side and be honest. Let her know why you got upset. Share with her your inner most feelings about the subject. Do not be afraid to admit that your weaknesses or fears have made you fuming and irritated. By confiding what you really feel to her, she will surely have her heart melting and who knows?! You might end up winning the argument! Remember that communication is the key. Also, it's not what you say but how you say it.
Let go.
What's done is done. It is never helpful to re-open wounds. Let go. That's why sincerity and honesty is important in making up after a big fight. Because, if you aren't really sorry with what has happened, if your forgiveness is not sincere and you don't really mean all your apologetic gestures, you will end up holding a grudge against your partner. That won't solve anything. And it could even lead to a more serious fired up arguments and fights.
By Toby Hardwick

The Good Things About Relationships

It is natural for people to pair bond, and relationships having many advantages. It is no secret that there are a variety of things couples share that singles cannot have.
Usually, people will think of all the great emotional advantages of being in a couplet. Things are never as bad if you can share your problems or concerns with your significant other.
Your own emotional stability is general more settled when you are in a relationship as you have each other to anchor your needs. Also, the empathy and understanding you develop by being in a relationship will allow you to bond with other people too.
But it is not only the emotional aspects of your life that will improve, it is also your physical wellbeing. You will sleep more, you will probably eat healthier, lower your blood levels, and also have a good sex life, all from being in a relationship.
You will also accrue some fantastic mental advantages from being with someone else. It has been scientifically shown that people who have spent their adult years in a relationship retain their mental faculties for longer than singles.
Also, you will find that you have a lot more social possibilities if you are in a relationship. Just by being with someone else, your spread of contacts and friends expands, and will keep growing.
Finally, you need to remember that when you are part of a couple, it will be better financially. Generally speaking, couples have better incomes than those who are on their own.
Right from the start of our lives, we are told all about getting a soul mate and how this is a vital part of our lives. As we can see from the above endorsements, it is not only good for us to fall in love for love's sake, but it is good for our mental wellbeing, our wallets, and our social lives.
By David Leek

How to Stay Healthy in Love

Love is enduring...
Love is irresistible...
Love is to be adored by another person...
Love is affectionate towards someone else...
Love is to be fond of someone...
Love is the dearest feeling...
Love is given to your sweetheart...
"Love is not jealous, love does not brag, love is longsuffering, and does not get puffed up," and that's right out of the Good Book!
This is how we wish it could always be, but this is not realistically how it is always. However, that doesn't mean love can't stay healthy. In order to stay healthy in love, when problems arise try to understand the others persons point of view while trying to discern intent or motive behind an act. Don't always jump to a negative conclusion, which is not always the intent.
Think of when you're not feeling well. You go to the doctor to discuss the issues and find a solution in order to feel better. You go home take the doctors' advice and follow their direction until you feel better. Likewise that same solution you search to find from your doctor should be the same work you put into keeping your love healthy.
Communicate, communicate, and then communicate some more. Learn to make adjustments in order to make a success of your relationship. You think one way; your mate may think another way. It's not weak or a failure to adjust things about you to make it work, that takes strength to say, "I will change." Don't stay on an issue; learn to deal with it and move on. Pondering on failures only injure and add to hurt feelings. Things will always come up, remember the old sayings, "For better or for worse," "Through thick and thin," "Through the good and the bad." Learn when the chips are down know love will always stick around. Love can be like a kiss as the sun is setting.
Healthy love trusts their mate. Healthy love can rest assured their mate will always be around to lift your spirits and make you smile. Healthy love doesn't sneak around or have to spy. Healthy love does not always fight and argue. Healthy love will never try and get back at their mate. Healthy love is not overly demanding. Healthy love doesn't seek all the attention. Know you are separate people with separate thoughts and wants. Don't expect your mate to think or act like you. Don't expect your mate to know what you're thinking. Don't set the bar higher for your mate than you would set for yourself. Learn to communicate your thoughts to your mate. Deeply and truly care about the views and concerns of your mate. Try to consider your mate instead of always thinking of yourself first. Remember it's always better to give then to receive. Give your love to your mate wholeheartedly without strings attached or waiting for them to go first. Tit for Tat is very unhealthy. Do things from your own heart. Even if for that moment you don't get it back. Eventually it will come back to you. Usually when you get something back it's always greater than you imagined it would be. Be kind, kindness go a long way in love. It takes more effort to think of something devious to do and it's much easier to be kind.
To stay healthy one must work vigorously on it. The same with love, in order for your love to stay healthy continue to work vigorously at it. Medicine can help make you physically well; love can make you emotionally and physically healthy.
By Veronica Allen-Anderson 

Is There Something Getting In The Way Of Your Mans' Heart? Learn How To Instantly Open Him Up

Get One Of His Friends' To Talk To Him-

A really quick way to find out what he's hiding is to have a friend talk to him about it. He will always speak the truth with a buddy who he trusts', and who knows will understand and support him. Explain the situation first to his friend, that you are trying to make things' right.

Ignore Him-

Stop talking to him altogether. Give it atleast 3 or 4 days and see how he starts acting towards you. He will most likely start showing concern and wonder what is wrong. That is a good time to be direct with him and be more open with you.

Approach Him Like His Friend-

How would you approach him if he was a good friend of yours? How differently would you react to him? You definitely wouldn't be as emotional with him. You wouldn't take things in a personal way. You would listen more to what he has to say, and be there to support him.

Even if your boyfriend has a personal issue with you, you must look at it in a non-personal way. The objective is to help him get out his feelings and express himself. If the problem is personal go in with the notion that you can change whatever it is to make things works.

Right now it seems like there is something getting in the way of your mans' feelings. He remains quiet most of the time and there seems to be something bothering him that he won't reveal to you. You fear that it might be you who is making him feel this way, but it's hard to tell because he won't open up about anything. If you are dying to find out what it is, and would like a sureshot way to finally get him to talk openly with you. Then pay attention to the following tips that will make your man share everything
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Be Direct-

If you really want to know, just go up to him and ask him straight up. Don't try and use any strategy or try and be smart about it. "Just tell me what it is that's bothering you". Don't ask him in a worried or fearful way. He will sense your concern and will not answer you that way. Instead, talk to him like to want to get it out in the open and move beyond it as fast as possible. "Let's get this out in the open so we can move forward and live life." Something like that. Show him that you are someone that likes to resolve problems, and you don't hold on to problems.

If he isn't willing to come out in the open, then you must tell him that you will do something about it. Giving him time alone is a very good idea at this point. He needs to be put into the scenario where he is forced to make a choice, otherwise it will just carry on like this.
Ellen Lapointe

Maintaining a Relationship

Take Responsibility for Yourself
Learning to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs is one of the most important choices you can make to improve your relationship. Instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you need to learn how to make yourself feel happy through your own thoughts and actions. When you learn how to take full responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. You can do this by learning to treat yourself with kindness, care, compassion, acceptance and loving care is vital to a good relationship.

Fears
Most people have two major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment - of losing the other - and the fear of engulfment - of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves with controlling behavior: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, etc. But by learning about fears instead of attempting to control the partner, fears will eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually - by learning instead of controlling.

No Interference Do not allow other people to interfere with your relationship. If family members try to get in the middle of fights or debates, that is definite trouble. You might have friends with well-meant intentions trying to help you and your partner solve problems. While getting another person’s perspective is not a bad thing, make sure it is when you ask for it. It is very important to keep integrity in your relationship and not allow people to interfere. If you believe that something is bothering your partner or not right in your relationship, keep it between the two of you and work things out as a couple. Seek professional help appropriately when needed.

To Tell or Not to Tell While some things probably should be shared, think back to how much people grow through the teen years to mid-twenties. Offering unnecessary information from the past is a great way to create distrust, insecurity, and more questions than answers. Be wise when sharing.

Respect Privacy When two people come together in a relationship, each person has their own set of history and possessions that have a special meaning. Do not dig through boxes of things owned by your partner out of curiosity. Instead, respect their privacy and allow them to bring those things out if they feel it is necessary.

Lighten Up
Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem. If your partner makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it. If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself. This will automatically start the process of breaking tension.

Adore your Partner Beyond telling your partner that you love them, that they are special, and having passion in your relationship, you should adore your partner and what they bring into the relationship. What that means is to appreciate and love them for the person they are, faults and all. This is true devotion to your partner and demonstrates that you do not take them for granted.

Marriage Teaches Us Even When it Doesn't Work Out

Having lived through two ended marriages, the day came when I finally had to look at myself. When the first one ended, I felt so alone and unloveable, I ate 50 pounds worth of chocolate chip cookies. Cookies were comforting until my clothes were all too tight to wear fit any more.
Notice I neglected to say "failed" marriages. If we live through marriage and divorce, we will learn something from the experience. Hopefully we learn about our own weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It is really his fault, right?
What did I learn? I learned how few inner resources I had. I could not validate myself much less anyone else. I felt ugly and stupid and totally undeserving of anyone's attention. I finally had to face one of my own shadows-I must not be loveable. What an inhibitor that turned out to be. I remember how I did not compliment my husband or tell him how great he was or how much he meant to me. No wonder he fell for someone who did those things for him.
Nothing tests relationship to self more than other people. If I'm upset by something someone says or does (other than physical violence), I need to look at my own inner psyche. If I'm not differentiated (secure in who I am and my value and worth), things I hear disturb me more than necessary. How secure I am? How do I respond to conflicts with others? Is there a tug in my gut? Do I react with defensiveness?
Am I nervous inside as I begin to speak? Do I get angry or hurt easily? Am I flexible or inflexible? Can I stretch to understand another's perspective? Do I walk away when others attempt to connect with me? Do I fight, or flee, or freeze? How do I face business and personal challenges like speaking opportunities, marketing opportunities, or interviews, or social occasions?
I fear public appearances as much as intimacy. They both expose me. If I can't find anything inside that grounds me and reminds me of my value, I'm be easily flustered. Positive intention lies in that vulnerability if I just listen. Deep inside self is a wound waiting to be healed. It wants to be found and opened and loved. Instead of fearing it or fearing others will find out about it, I can embrace it and adore it and share it. There's magic in sharing it. It lets others feel safe in sharing their vulnerability too.
So yes, divorce is hard. But I discovered my own potential. I'm still discovering it especially when I tune into the little voice of fear inside. It appears more often than I prefer. A deep breath and a reminder that I'm okay in learning more, lets my heart stop pounding, my voice stop quivering, and my hand stop reaching for another cookie.
By Pamela Simmons

The Perfect Woman, The Perfect Wife!

As women, many of us were not only raised to be traditional wives, we were groomed to be the perfect wife and Mistress of the House. We were not groomed to be women. As a result some of us head straight into marriage or we get married. What then happens is, because we do need to go through the process of being a woman, we start "acting" out in our relationships. We want our independence and we feel stifled. Some of us refuse to be like our Mothers and the other women we saw around us, so we stayed single and became an Independent woman.
We took on the task of grooming ourselves to become women. Unfortunately, we still have the subconscious programming of being the perfect wife who is to be submissive to her husband. The woman we now are now starts an internal battle with the wife we were groomed to be. It becomes a struggle especially if we are heading towards a relationship and we begin to fear becoming the kind of wife we saw growing up.
However, we don't need to hold on to everything that we were taught. It did work for those women we saw while growing up. However, we can begin to work on what it means for us to be a wife. Some of the teachings we were taught can still serve a purpose for us, but we don't have to hold to everything we were taught. Think about some of the things you were taught. Do you feel good when you think about it? If not, then you have just discovered what does not work for you. If it feels good, then you can incorporate it with the woman you are today. Your mother may have been the perfect wife and mother, but that worked for her. You do not have to take on your mother's life because then you would be living her life. Create and work on what it means for YOU to be a woman and a wife. Only then will you be happy in the decisions you make as a woman and as a wife. Because those decisions will be one and the same.
Instead of being quick to run into a relationship with someone else, it is essential that you get to know yourself first. Spend some time alone with yourself before you spend it with someone else. Know how to live alone before you know what it is to live with someone else. Get to know your likes and dislikes. Even if you never had the opportunity to be independently single and you are now in a relationship, you can still take time for yourself. Develop your own self-interests separate from those of your partner. By taking time to know yourself, it will bring you closer to you and to your partner because you will also begin to understand them. It will help to open up the communication between the two of you. Most importantly, when you begin to focus more on your self-interests you will be able to change the dynamics of your relationship to one that is in alignment with what you desire in a relationship.
After growing yourself to be the perfect woman that you want desire to be, by combining the traditional things you were taught with who you are now, you can now become the perfect wife that you desire to be. You will now become The Perfect Woman, The Perfect Wife!!
By Trudy-Ann Ewan

How to Restore Trust in a Relationship to Get Your Ex Back After an Affair

A very delicate issue in a relationship is how to get your ex back after an affair and when the trust which held your relationship has been shattered. Do not panic because it is possible to reconcile if you do your very best.
Firstly, you should start by establishing trust in your relationship again. For this, you will need to make changes in the way you do things and in the attitude which led you to stray. See what gave rise to this problem in your relationship and what you can do on your behalf to fix it.
Maybe your ex was not responding to your needs and he/she was not there for you when you most needed him/her because your ex was caught up with something more important.
You have gone through it once; you would not want a second time to come. So, make sure that this time you consolidate the foundation of your relationship well. This implies going to counselor who is going to see where the real problem lies and help you to restore trust in your relationship.
The rest depends on the extent to which you are willing and determined to take actions to obtain positive result6s.
Getting back with your ex will require you to apologize primarily and you should truly mean it. This is vital for your relationship.
Also, try to do small things which will make him/her gradually trust you. You really need to demonstrate that you can be trusted again. Be ready to give your ex time if he/she needs it.
You need to free yourself from the guilt that you are feeling. You should not give your ex the opportunity to see that have any negative feeling.
If you both do your share of job, your relationship will grow stronger than before as you will both grow from this experience.

I would also like to recommend the following two resources that are specifically geared towards winning back the boyfriend or the girlfriend.
By Erica Connella

The Magic Of Making Up

Now You Can Stop Your Break Up, Divorce or Lovers Rejection...Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless!
Here's some good news...
Did you know that most relationships CAN be salvaged? You may find it difficult to believe that almost every break up for whatever reason...infidelity, plain old lost passion, loss of interest, a stolen heart and worse...even the worst situations you can imagine...like men serving prison sentences have salvaged their relationships. Yes, even Ex-cons have got back together with girlfriends and wives after being away for years!
WARNING: Unconventional Methods!
At this point, I must WARN YOU...STRONGLY WARN YOU...my advice and methods are VERY unconventional. I get relationship counselors and the like REALLY ANGRY because they are charging $50 to $100 an hour (sometimes for months and even years) and I can whisper just one of my methods in my friends ear...he DOES IT... And next thing you know... he's back home, laying back on the couch and watching LOST with his fiance on Thursday nights.
Now you are free to make up your own mind about me. I just don't believe that any amount of sitting in a classroom can make up for the REAL WORLD experience that I have under my belt...
I mean, what's a more valuable experience?...Listening to a lecture on libido? Or BEING THERE when my buddy's girlfriend is chucking his clothes and skivys out the bedroom window because she thinks he was with some tart the night before?
Now, if you are hanging out with me here today, I am guessing you have "relationship troubles" too? If you do...I think I can help...
Now...I am not saying they were holding some "secret love spell" book and doing weird chants...not at all...at the same time somehow, by MOSTLY accident they said and did the RIGHT THINGS at the RIGHT TIME...and won back the heart of their lover...or at least created the circumstances where their ex gave them a second chance.
Allow me to repeat...they did this by mostly ACCIDENT!
Imagine...
What if? What they said...and what they did...could be "bottled" so to speak? And then you could "unbottle" it and put it to use? To erase old hurts...to reignite passion again...to turn back to a time when your relationship was fresh, new and exciting.
Yes...A Magic Love Recipe...in a sense...
You see there IS a "recipe for love" as well as a recipe for winning back and keeping some ones interest, desire, passion, heart and love...
What they did by "accident" can be repeated over and over on PURPOSE!
And you know what?
If I were you...I would be somewhat skeptical right now...that's totally fine! I am going to show you some concrete proof. Just bear with me okay?

by T.W.J.

Why Being in a Healthy Relationship is Good For You

Being in a good and healthy relationship has many benefits. Those who are part of a couple have some advantages in a lot of areas in their lives compared with those who are single.
Always on top of everyone's minds are the emotional benefits. Being in a relationship will give you emotional support that will cushion you against stressful moments that happen every once in a while.
One's emotional well-being is indeed taken care of with a supportive and sympathetic partner to rely on. Subsequently, one will also learn how to support and take care of other people having also taken care of one's partner.
Not only will you benefit emotionally from having a partner but will also experience better health. Sleeping better, eating better, better blood pressure levels, and a healthy sex life are just a few of the physical benefits from being a part of a good relationship.
There are mental benefits as well by being in a relationship and actively nurturing it. In fact, studies have shown that people who grow old with their partners retain sharper minds and memory even as they age.
Socially, people get a lot more opportunities as a couple. When you are in a relationship, your social network expands which will lead to more opportunities in both your personal and professional lives.
Lastly, one must not forget that when in a relationship, your financial situation will generally improve. Married couples tend to have higher and stable incomes especially if children enter the picture than households led by a single parent.
Even as small children, we have already been exposed to the ideals of finding a partner who will ideally be with you for the rest of your life. As the advantages enumerated above attest, it is not just the romantic aspect of a relationship that makes people go for it but also what it can do for a person's total well being.
Josh Meyerson