Take Responsibility for Yourself
Learning to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs is one of the most important choices you can make to improve your relationship. Instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you need to learn how to make yourself feel happy through your own thoughts and actions. When you learn how to take full responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. You can do this by learning to treat yourself with kindness, care, compassion, acceptance and loving care is vital to a good relationship.
Fears
Most people have two major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment - of losing the other - and the fear of engulfment - of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves with controlling behavior: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, etc. But by learning about fears instead of attempting to control the partner, fears will eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually - by learning instead of controlling.
No Interference Do not allow other people to interfere with your relationship. If family members try to get in the middle of fights or debates, that is definite trouble. You might have friends with well-meant intentions trying to help you and your partner solve problems. While getting another person’s perspective is not a bad thing, make sure it is when you ask for it. It is very important to keep integrity in your relationship and not allow people to interfere. If you believe that something is bothering your partner or not right in your relationship, keep it between the two of you and work things out as a couple. Seek professional help appropriately when needed.
To Tell or Not to Tell While some things probably should be shared, think back to how much people grow through the teen years to mid-twenties. Offering unnecessary information from the past is a great way to create distrust, insecurity, and more questions than answers. Be wise when sharing.
Respect Privacy When two people come together in a relationship, each person has their own set of history and possessions that have a special meaning. Do not dig through boxes of things owned by your partner out of curiosity. Instead, respect their privacy and allow them to bring those things out if they feel it is necessary.
Lighten Up
Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem. If your partner makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it. If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself. This will automatically start the process of breaking tension.
Adore your Partner Beyond telling your partner that you love them, that they are special, and having passion in your relationship, you should adore your partner and what they bring into the relationship. What that means is to appreciate and love them for the person they are, faults and all. This is true devotion to your partner and demonstrates that you do not take them for granted.
